Miasanrot Alternative Awards 2018/19
In addition to the classic categories such as the recognition of the player of the season, it is also part of the Miasanrot tradition to distribute smaller but no less important titles. We look back on great and strange moments of the past Bayern season – with the usual seriousness.
Arjen Robben (1:0 vs Benfica, Champions League, 27.11.2018)
There were some good candidates for the Bayern goal of the season. Robert Lewandowski, for example, scored with a twisted scissor kick for the important equalizer in Freiburg or with a head twist for the lead in the cup final. Franck Ribéry’s farewell goal against Frankfurt was as dreamlike as it was emotional. But in his last year, only the king of the hammer goals was allowed to be crowned. And Arjen Robben delivered.
The powerful drop kick against Bayer Leverkusen might have been enough to secure this award. But with Robben, nothing works without a big story, as it did this time: At the end of November, Niko Kovač was effectively fired. It almost seemed as if he would only be kept for the CL game against Benfica, while the successor was already being sought. But then came the Dutchman.
It wasn’t a quarter of an hour played yet. The Allianz Arena was filled with tension on the pitch and in the stands like seldom before in a group phase. Then the ball went right to Robben. Two Munich players hopelessly outnumbered? Not with Arjen. Like in his best days he dribbled past three opponents with one movement.
Cross? Lateral pass? Arjen did neither. He continued to dribble into the penalty area and waited for a small gap. The little bit of air between the ball and the defender that allowed Robben to score countless goals and brought a decade of terror to the shaking goal nets of the Bundesliga.
Arjen Robben took the measure, the ball flew into the upper left corner. Unstoppable. A classic. 15 minutes later the Dutchman scored again after a counterattack. Bayern won the game 5:1, Kovač was allowed to stay and won two titles.
It was Arjen Robben’s final appearance until his comeback in May. His last goal was his farewell goal against Frankfurt. This was one of his most beautiful goals and therefore our goal of the season.
Kingsley Coman (3:2 vs Hertha BSC, DFB-Pokal, 06.02.2019)
The Bundesliga is hard, but the Pokal is even harder (hertha). A bit of a wordplay, which Bayern impressively underlined last season. Until the final, each of the five cup games was won with exactly one goal difference. Opponents such as Drochtersen, Rödinghausen and Heidenheim were defeated with the efficiency of rehhagel (although the coach in question would probably have resigned after the 5: 4). And then there was the game in Berlin.
In short, it was tough. Hertha did not make much progress, but was heavily aided by the Bayern defense. In the Munich side, only Gnabry was running at full throttle and naturally the game went into overtime.
In the 98th minute, Kingsley Coman put the ball away and booked the ticket to the quarter-finals. If Niko Kovač rehearsed this goal, he would be crowned immediately. Goretzka heads the ball
into nowhere clever into free space. Robert Lewandowski was first to the ball and somehow pushed it in the direction of goal demonstrated his playmaking skills. Coman only had to head home the striker’s already laid “groundwork ” over the line. A big thank you goes to the opposing defenders, who shielded the Frenchman and protected him from a possible gust of wind.
It was a crap goal in a crap game in a crap competition. And in the end it was all forgotten, because they still got the trophy.
Dodi Lukebakio (3:3 vs Düsseldorf, Bundesliga, 24.11.2018)
It was nearly the mercy shot for Niko Kovač, instead it became the most effective and loudest wake-up call the FCB has received this season: Lukebakios equaliser in the Allianz Arena.
That you threw away an almost certain victory against a meager team? A gift. That you concede a goal in injury time? Yes, all right. That an opposing striker scores a hat trick in Munich? It happens.
But that you manage to be mercilessly countered in the last seconds of a game, even though you are merely trying to maintain your lead and run out the clock? Unthinkable.
The bizarreness of this goal is something to remember. Kovač had already changed defensively to secure the victory. Düsseldorf had hardly played out any chances. Usually FC Bayern gets these three points, shakes briefly and forgets the whole thing.
Instead, one minute before the final whistle, you lose the ball in the opposing half, with only three or four players behind the ball and a defensive line at midline level. A vertical ball over 25 metres, served by volley, allowed Lukebakio to run freely towards Manuel Neuer.
Remember: It was not 2:3. It was not even 2:2. No, the FCB was in the lead. The series of tactical inconsistencies that this situation brought about was a new record. The Bavarians presented themselves like a teenager in puberty: so desperately horny for success that everything went into their pants.
Early in the season, it was decided to cancel the rotation. With a verbal slidetackle, which even Niklas Süle would have bounced off, the club management stopped any desire for rotation on the part of the coach.
What remained for Kovač in terms of potential changes? A few canapés for Boateng, honorary laps for the three old men? No, he always had an ace up his sleeve. A final trump card without a sell-by date.
“The definition of madness is to keep rotating Javi Martínez and to expect different results.” –
Karl-Heinz Rummenigge Albert Einstein
The 3-5-2. Before the season many of us had expected this system, after all it was a faithful companion of Kovač in Frankfurt. The Bayern squad was even able to accommodate it, both defensively (Süle, Hummels, Boateng, Alaba, Martínez, Kimmich …) and offensively (Lewandowski, Müller, Gnabry, Robben …).
In the end this formation didn’t materialize at all. In the chaotic game against Heidenheim, when they were outnumbered for a half, we only got a small whiff, nothing more.
Whatever. If you want tactics, you should go to Dieter Hecking.
It’s early January. The first half of the season is through, at the Säbener Straße it must smell a bit like failure, so you quickly open the transfer window. Unfortunately the Gulf Stream is in the shadow of the British Isles, so the wind has to be imported from England.
The young but already tricky Brazzo knows his stuff. If there’s something like squad corpses in football, Chelsea is Europe’s mortuary. The booty scheme of the Bavarians is not very creative, after all you simply copy the marriage strategy of Loddar: young and fast, please.
For weeks, the Bundesliga wondered whether they would be allowed to welcome the next English talent, freely following the motto: Today Hudson surely, tomorrow not again. But waiting for (G)Odoi doesn’t end there.
Brazzo tries a forced shot from the second row, but Chelsea blocks and blocks like in May 2012. Frustrated the FCB slams the transfer window, instead of fresh air there was only a stiff neck.
3rd Place – Thomas Müller
Spring 2019: All of Germany discusses the national team. Completely surprisingly, Joachim Löw had just banished Boateng, Hummels and Müller, three established top performers. The headlines and reactions are flashing, the thriller “Die Ausbootung” is a box-office hit.
And then it comes to a climax: One of the people affected speaks up! Thomas Müller shares a video on Twitter. In Selfie mode. Probably in his own kitchen. Depressed and yet calm, perhaps just satiated with a Weißwurst breakfast.
The message itself was largely positively received, Müller showed himself to be fair and reflected. But the real entertainment was hidden in the fact that a whole football people went so crazy that a short amateur video was the climax of a “state affair”.
There used to be press conferences and official communications. Today’s player simply records a short video at lunch before biting his nutella bread. Only the dog filter was missing.
2nd Place – Philipp Lahm
The football world gone crazy? Not quite. With the likes of Jérôme Boateng no longer wanting to come “back to earth” for all the glamour, Neymar flying in by helicopter for training and Cristiano Ronaldo seeming to adapt his playing to impact advertising, Philipp Lahm is worried about your intestinal health.
It can be embarrassing to find or acknowledge that a “star” has stayed on the ground like only Javi Martínez usually does to waste time. You should definitely laugh, because it seems completely bizarre in the football world: Philipp Lahm, one of the greatest players of the last generation, advertises oatmeal. Muesli instead of Mercedes, Omega-3 instead of CR7, fibre instead of bling bling. The only thing more German is the musical taste of Toni Kroos.
1st Place – Brazzo