Last Week in Bayern News

subrat Separator August 19, 2020

This is Last week in Bayern News, powered by a wave of euphoria.

Sunday

‘twas here, on this very unremarkable Sunday that Mission Lis6on started. Let us put the tidbits out of the way as the team is en route to Lisbon:

The squad looks like one that can steamroll Europe minus Benji. Benji is supposed to rejoin the squad at Lisbon after he finishes working on his form and fitness. Godspeed, Benji.

Here, a pic for some perspective…

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…and why Corentin Tolisso is valuable to this campaign.

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Moving on to more predictable things, Robert is the top goalscorer in this season’s Champions League—and joint-top for assists. 

Onwards to crash landing.

Monday

Coman and Boateng appear to have recovered from their respective problems and participated in the squad’s first team practice in Lisbon in preparation for Friday’s clash against Barcelona. Given how bad Boateng’s injury looked initially, this is a very good start to the week. 

Don’t you even dare interfere, injury gods.

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These third kits are lit.

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These Mondays have been rare as of late: silent tabloids, team hard at work in Lisbon, and Jordi Alba admitting they aren’t ready for Bayern yet.

Keep calm and believe in Flick.

Tuesday

This Bild article here gives everyone some perspective on the last of the impending transfers. Long article short, everyone is winning this together in Lisbon and what happens after that is inconsequential to the present.

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That editing job looks…..horrible, just like the actual content. Barcelona plans to utilise a 4-4-2 diamond to contain Bayern’s 4-2-3-1. Yikes, they even named that PLAN ANTI-BAYERN. Cruyff would have been very disappointed today.

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No kidding, KHR. 

Ahh yes, more training.

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Youth prospects Christian Früchtl and Sarpreet Singh made their debut for 1. FC Nürnberg in a friendly match against Regensburg today. Solid system in place as an example for the FC Bayern Youth Academy.

Tidbit for Tuesday: Did you know that on this very day in 2007, Franck Ribery made his Bundesliga debut for FC Bayern Munich? The glory followed, thereafter.

Wednesday

Mid week is when one looks forward to the weekend or relishes a walk down memory lane. Die Roten and the Blaugrana have met eight times in the UEFA Champions League already, with Bayern triumphing in five of them. Historically speaking, the Bavarians have always given the Catalonians a hard time on the grass.

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KHR expects Corentin Tolisso to step up when the need arises and we are surprised why twitterati is freaking out about the midfield situation. Bayern has no fewer than five midfielders for two positions, considering Josh does not return to right back. The automatisms for three of these (Josh, Goretzka and Thiago) are set in stone as described by previous matches. Your call, Brazzo.

Fun Fact: Damir Skomina officiated Bayern’s 3-0 against Barcelona in 2013 too. Gotta be fun.

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Speaking ahead of the massive show down this week via this Kicker article, Goretzka stated that Bayern has every chance of beating Barcelona, especially in a knockout match instead of a two-legged tie. He also went on to relate this UCL format to the DFB Pokal, which he is a big fan of apparently. Key takeaway here is that Goretzka is confident of Bayern being able to contain Messi as a collective unit. Whatever you say big guy.

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Despite a global pandemic, life and football must go on. Säbener Strasse is no exception to this rule.

Flicki Flacka shall be on show this week while Hans Dieter-Flick demonstrates to the world why he deserved shinier awards than this.

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Thursday

Pre matchday, it appears that Pavard is recovering faster than we were let to believe. While featuring tomorrow against Barcelona is strictly off the books, one cannot rule out the defensive stalwart off Mission Lis6on yet.

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We can see right through your love for counterpressing, Muller. The question is: Can Barcelona?

https://twitter.com/FCBayernEN/status/1293970980285616128?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Feel like summer yet? 

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Dreams don’t turn to dust, as Adam Young would have put it. Perhaps RB Leipzig can prove my point in today’s showdown against Atletico? More Bundesliga clubs in the Champions League semi finals has always been good for us, after all.

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Matchday, here we go.

Friday

‘Tis the last lap, and here we go.

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Oh shut up, Vidal. People who are the lives of the party shouldn’t be talking smack. Also what are you talking about, Setien? We know of one thing that ought to shut ‘em up: statistics. That is the way the Germans ought to educate these frivolous senile folks.

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Why you actin’ vain for my love, vain for my love When you got everything that I want?” 

-Lil Peep and Bayern’s away kit

The stage is set for history books to be rewritten again, this time at the Estádio da Luz.

A special game requires special coverage. So in order to maintain that, here is where you would find extensive analysis of today’s absolute smashing of a match. 

Good n8te, Barca. That defense is shakier than Chelsea’s defense….and that isn’t funny for Lampard either. This is probably the first time the gunners have been proud of their disastrous fate in the Champions League. 

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Gosh the laptop I’m editing this on, has no juice left…. should charge it up to 82% before I start editing again.

Saturday

After Friday that was a rollercoaster of neverending goals, Saturday was when we moved past the banter and distanced ourselves from the glory. 

Just kidding, lol. Have a look at the match stats: 26 total attempts, nevermind that…..13 shots at target, Barcelona did not have half of that many at the goal. We thought Champions League matches were supposed to be more competitive than the DFB Pokal? Goretzka, please explain this madness.

Statistics, statistics lead the way again. Bayern Munich are going to their 12th Champions League semi final, with only Real Madrid having been to more semi finals. Speaking of Lewandowski vs Ronaldo, Lewa scored his 50th CL goal in 60 matches for Bayern, being led by Ronaldo barely again. 

Hans-Dieter Flick has seen his side score as many goals as 26 in his first six Champions League games in charge. No other manager has had the luxury of this claim to fame.

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There were serious doubts at the start of the Rückrunde, if the Flicki Flacka counterpress was sustainable for a full ninety minutes. I think now, it is not a question of ifs but rather a question of why is this so effective.

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Who does these terrible editing jobs at Catalonian tabloids? Feels like they need to sack their editors first thing in the morning, too.

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As we celebrate and come down from the euphoria that was Friday, the boys are hard at work in Lisbon carrying out the final stages of Mission Lis6on. The semi finals will be a showdown between German and French teams trained by the best of the best, three German managers who play styles similar in no way discernible to the human eye. As Flick would have put it, we start from zero again.

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One team at a time. Nom nom.

»Eier, wir brauchen Eier!«

— Oliver Kahn

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  1. Thanks for your nice and funny update. The week was all about the quarterfinal vs Barcelona to me, and of course I was very happy with the big win.

    Do you know the yellow card rule for the semi-final? I mean is Brazzo in danger of missing the final (if we get there) if he collects another yellow tonight? :D

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