Miasanrot Mailbag – October 2016

Tobi Separator October 21, 2016

The people have spoken! The Miasanrot Mailbag returns with a truckload full of questions. You asked, we answer – or rather, the author answers. The other Miasanrot members were smart enough to have distanced themselves from him and his awful opinions.

Miasanrot Mailbag

Toni vs Xabi

Ah, the old debate. Simply put, Toni Kroos wanted to be paid like the best (and Schweinsteiger). Bayern, on the other hand, considered him to be a useful part of the hall-of-very-good. Add to that the player’s well-known desire to not spend his entire career in Germany and there you have it.

Bringing Xabi Alonso into that is a little unfair. That man was only brought to Munich because the board had to fill the Kroos-shaped squad hole. All things considered, the signing of Alonso was a successful one, as he’s lasted longer and has had higher peaks than most would’ve expected. Now it’s time to replace him from within.

Steady on?

Always. Cruising through the league means your fate remains in the hands of other clubs. Remember the gap between Bayern and Dortmund in 2015-16? Those ten points are points you don’t usually get when stuck in second gear. Furthermore, opponents start believing in their odds when you look vulnerable, and self-confident opponents are a lot less fun to face than fearful bunches of damage control.

Insanity XI

“Not only focusing on performance levels” sounds to me like picking favorites, not the best. You know where this is going…

Goalkeeper: Oliver Kahn
While Manuel Neuer’s unorthodox goalkeeping techniques are fun to look at (remember how often he catches a shot that most would punch away), nothing will beat the presence of Kahn. He moved like a tank and ran over opponents like a tank.

Right-back: Philipp Lahm
The world’s smallest clockwork and a beautifully unique style of slide-tackling.

Right centerback: Jérôme Boateng
He has that Kahn-like presence, always giving you the feeling that he covers a bigger area than everyone else. Also a bit of a freak athlete, the kind of guy who would’ve dominated at least three types of sports in an American high school.

Left centerback: Martin Demichelis
Because I can. What’s not to like about a capable player who commits the occasional major error? Perfection is lame anyway. Side note: Kuffour would’ve been my next choice, for the same reasons.

Left-back: Bixente Lizarazu
It is entirely reasonable to say that, during Bayern’s high-success era of the late 90s/early 2000s, Lizarazu was the club’s best outfield player. There is no need to defend this choice, you know he rules.

Right central midfielder: Anatoliy Tymoshchuk
Someone’s gotta do the tackling and heart-breaking.

Left central midfielder: Danijel Pranjic
I figured that the central midfield could use at least one world-class player.

Right winger: Arjen Robben
Bayern’s best attacking player since… Rummenigge maybe? I’ll never understand how such a skilled man can be so awful at one-on-one finishing but it’s part of the fun.

Left winger: erm…I’ll pass
Let’s just say Paulo Sergio, he was underrated.

Second striker: Claudio Pizarro
Talking about the re-release, the aged Pizarro of the Heynckes/Guardiola days. When a Bayern player is liked by opposing fans, he’s gotta be lovely.

Main striker: Roy Makaay
It’s a massive shame that this man had to play with some rather weak Bayern teams. Makaay is one of my first targets for time travelling. Tragically overlooked in history already.

Gives us wings

Sure. Don’t give them a raise obviously but why not? One-year contract for Ribéry, two more years for Robben.


Is it food? It’s made for Ancelotti.

The key to the city

(Who are Bayern’s key players and who could turn into one?)

Arjen Robben needs to stay healthy or another winger needs to step up, otherwise the offense struggles. Robert Lewandowski is a must-have, due to his unique skillset in the squad. The importance of Boateng (mainly in terms of the build-up) has been reduced a bit by signing Hummels. Everyone else (aside from Neuer) is replaceable in some way at this point and in this system.

There you have it, a positive feature of Ancelotti’s changes. Injuries probably won’t hurt the team as much anymore.

Who can turn into one? Kimmich and/or Thiago easily could. Arturo Vidal could return to being one if things go from bad to worse for the team.

Homeless Josh

(What’s Kimmich’s best position for the future?)

Simply put, it’s more difficult to find a right-back of his quality than it is to find a midfielder of his quality. Kimmich would be more fun in central midfield but the timing for him to replace Philipp Lahm is too perfect to be ignored. It’s awfully nice of Joachim Löw that he’s giving Kimmich playing time at that position while Bayern need him elsewhere.

Sanches sorrows

(How long until Renato Sanches truly arrives in Munich?)

It’s difficult for him. The midfield is still a bit of a clusterfuck so there isn’t some easy role to throw him into. Sanches has all the tools but has to learn how to use them well. Ideally, you’d let him play regular games in the league, constantly increasing his number of tasks. Right now, he’s being thrown into the fire where he will burn until he figures it all out. But it’s far too early for anyone to give up on him. Potentially, he’s a lovely mixture of a chaos player with controlling elements. Give him time, a step-by-step manual, and a clear role to fulfill.

Questions from hell

Shaqiri AND Schürrle?! You’ve been banned from Miasanrot.

Want to have your question answered in the next edition of the Mailbag? Use the hashtag #MSRmail on Twitter

»Eier, wir brauchen Eier!«

— Oliver Kahn

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